An Extra Large Order of Life, Hold the Guilt

Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just order up our everyday like we do a Starbucks specialty drink or favorite meal?  There would be no surprises, no awkward moments and no stresses that we would have to react to.  It would be smooth sailing!  Ahhh…..

(This would be a great ideal everyday)

            But, that isn’t how it goes people.  My day starts with a list of great intentions and by the end of the day all, some or none of those things are crossed off.  I scribble in an “eat lunch” so I can at least cross something off the list to feel modestly productive.  But, were did the day go?  Were you lazy and watching tv wearing sweats in a Snuggie featuring your favorite print or sports team with no distractions but the scream of your bladder every so often?  No, probably not.  Your day was most likely spent chasing, cleaning up, making food, dealing with hard to deal with people, running and trying to keep up all the time and always feeling like you are falling short in one way or another.

(Trinity expressing her crazy side)

(The bathroom sink that one of the girls thought would make a fun bathtub for her dolls!)

            Myself, and so many of us out there, struggle with this everyday.  And what do we do with it?  We wad up all the frustration, disappointment, unaccomplished tasks and exhaustion into a ball of guilt that then eclipses all the good intentions, great memories and priceless moments that might have happened that day in the midst of everything else.  The beautiful sunrise you saw out of the car window while at that stop light, the smile you shared with someone, the way your child clung to you, and only you, when they were tired.  So many moments, awesome moments, are passed through everyday without even a second glimpse back because we are too busy fretting about something else and feeling the weight of guilt about one thing or another. 

            This world thrives on guilt.  Let’s face it.  Half of the billboards you see on the highway tug at your guilt.  Your parents, your kids, your friends, your work associates and boss guilt you. But, honestly, you are probably the worst perpetrator of this.  I get so down on myself sometimes because I didn’t get the last three out of the thirteen things I had on my to-do list done in the day.  My husband looks at me and says “You did a great job.”  But, like many wives, I find it hard to believe any good thing my husband says about me, but I am quick to exploit the even insinuated negative from him.  Why is that?  I am getting better though…  I think! 

(I really do try to listen to what he says about everything.  That should count for something!)

            I am just ready to start living life without the guilt monster hounding me.  A friend and I were talking the other day about how we are the world’s worst boss to ourselves.  Seriously!  If you do awesome at 10 things and miss a few smaller things in a day and your boss towers over you, red faced, blaring accusatory remarks while thrashing his pointer finger around, that is pretty harsh.  But, that is how we are to ourselves.

            There are so many emotions that run rampant in our lives everyday, especially with our children that are still trying to learn what emotions are.  What sort of teachers are we when we are harboring guilt all the time?  Sometimes I can’t work out, but that is ok.  Life is my workout that day.  Sometimes the girls homework doesn’t get done, but it is because we are out there seeing the world instead of sitting down to a two dimensional version on paper.  Sometimes all the cleaning will not get done, but it will still be dirty tomorrow to clean.  Our true friends would never guilt us.  The organizations to which we belong can only have so much of our time because family should always come first and this isn’t something to be guilty about.  Extended families don’t understand your choices many times because they are not immersed in your life and you can’t let your children use this power against you. 

            If you are a guilt giver you need to stop polluting the world with emotional distress and as a recovering receiver you just need to say no.  Stop guilt in its tracks before it even gets to you.  Only you know if you are doing the best you can every day and anything beyond that you need to let go of.  Sometimes bad roads are paved with good intensions and rest with that.  Rest knowing you tried to do your best even if the outcome was different than you imagined.  We are no good to our families, work or anything else while we are exhausted or bogged down with emotional guilt and self pity. 

            Tomorrow when you get up, or starting now if you can, shed the mental and emotional chaos of guilt.  Hand it over and start opening your eyes a little more to the accomplished, the contented and the good.  I promise it is out there.

(First pony ride)

(First time holding birds)

(First fish!)

(Her contagious appetite for life!)