Putting Aside Insecurities

Some people are surprised to find out I am actually a fairly shy person.  The conundrum is that I do not have shy ambitions.  God was mixing a unique batch when he created me.  I have heard it said that “shyness never gets you anywhere in life” and it is so true.  A wallflower, who doesn’t speak or take action, doesn’t get anywhere they want.  They just sit back and watch others go there.  It has been a life long fight for me, but one battle I am time and time again happy that I have fought. 

I have, more times than I care to admit, submitted to the philosophy of I do not matter and no one should take time out of their day for just me.  Even talking to close friends can sometimes be a challenge, but I put myself out there anyway because I know I want the life of someone with confidence… even if I don’t actually have any myself.  Maybe it will happen through osmosis somehow in my endeavors to conquer insecurities.  Maybe one day it won’t be as much a push, but instead, a natural reaction to opportunities.

So, starting this blog?  Yes, that was throwing myself into the lions den.  Going to social events, calling people, talking to people I do not know very well and are not obligated through familial strings are all less than comfortable for me.  Being married to a man who jumps on tables and makes a general rule of being “known in the room” makes for an interesting marriage cocktail sometimes, but 15 years of being together says it works somehow. 

So, when my daughter brought home a piece of paper from school saying that parents could volunteer to come in and speak about a mode of communication I didn’t even think twice about slipping it into the recycle bin, but my conscience, my husband and my daughter all banded together against my guttural instincts and had me sign up.  I thought I would have an out in the certainty that other parents would fill the limited slots before I did with bigger and better ideas of communication and bigger and better presentations.  But, alas, the fates took hold and I got an email from the teacher saying they would be happy to have me speak about blogging and to have some activity prepared for the kids.

Pushing down the butterflies I conjured a worksheet for the 42 students and 4 teachers and went on my way on my assigned day. 

Again, I was so happy I fought those insecurity demons and went.  My daughter was happy to have her mom there and talking to her class, even though she asked before hand, (not helping) “this isn’t going to be boring is it mom?”

The first graders had fun looking at my blog on the big screen and they had a blast creating their own blog idea, goals and business cards.  Skyla reassured me it was not boring and she will tell me the truth even if it hurts.  It was a success and my ambitions won again, thank goodness!