Investing in Us

What does your portfolio look like?  Aside from the fact that no ones is pretty these days, is there growth where you would want it?  Are you investing in what you need so that your future days are comfortable? What do you need in that future you have cozied up in the corner of your mind? A nice little home? Vacation home? The sports car that you never could have during the family years???  That is all well and good, but if you don’t have anyone to share those with is it all worth it?  Will you feel a great sense of accomplishment that lasts longer than ten minutes?

A while ago a friend was speaking to my husband and said “I don’t know what it is about your family.  The only word that can come to my mind is invested”.  I chewed on that conversation for a little bit after my husband told me and so many wheels started turning.  Yes.  Invested. 

I honestly don’t know the first thing about stock portfolio’s, but being invested in my family I hold an honorary degree in.  We are invested in each other.  My husband and I are not only parents here, but we are part of a whole of six people living here together.  We all have to work together and use respect, honesty, understanding and commitment to the well being of our family as a whole and as individuals.  When you are making an investment you want only a positive outcome right?  No one puts money in the bank to loose it.  In the same way you have to play your cards right as a parent in order to get the best results for your family.  Your marriage and your children need to be set up for success and not only short term, but for the long term. 

I am invested in teaching my children the proper and respectful way to live in this world, EVEN when others are not respectful of you. 

I am invested in helping mold my children’s, and my own, spiritual growth so they understand their part in this amazing, and sometimes scary, world.

I am invested in teaching my children all that I know and more so they will surpass my knowledge and grow richly as the next generation. 

I am invested in being an example for my children.

I am invested in my marriage and all the twists, turns and tumbles it has through all the decades and beyond.

I am invested in being with my family and a part of as much as I can, but giving space when needed to those that are ready and need to experience things for themselves.

I am invested in… my family.

The chaos rings throughout the house both days and nights, but when you have the basic truth and promise of investing yourself completely in what you are doing it makes the tasks that much more important no matter how profound or menial it is.

There is a plaque that sits on my windowsill, next to the cup I wrote about in August (My Cup is Overflowing), that my sister in law gave me.  It reads “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow you have to be in their lives today.”

I love this and how true it is.  You are not a babysitter or the person that only does the dirty work.  You are their guide and advisor, teacher and example.  This job never ceases, but merely changes face over the many years.  Children never stop needing the parent that cares.  I, for one, know that this parenting has no boundaries.  Distance, time, life and even death are not boundaries that exist in a family. 

Life is messy, marriage has it’s messy times, parenting for sure has its messy moments, but it all comes together and is all worth the investment you put in at the end when you are surrounded by the love and teachings that you gave the world, starting with your family.

I am all in, and I hope you are too!

The Birthday Bunch

Autumn is not only the kick off to a new season and the time the leaves fall or the weather gets a chill, but it is also the time that celebrates almost all of the birthdays in this family.  My husband starts us off in mid September and from there the birthdays start cascading into an unyielding, sugar coma induced party state.  Though five of the six of us have birthdays within a month of each other our extended family gives no reprieve either.  There are aunts, uncles, cousins, parents and grandparents all thrown into this time as well.  Needless to say the bank is, well… more empty than usual.  Is that possible to be “emptier”?  Oh!!! Yes it is… thank you credit!  J  Yes, October is the best precursor to the Holiday season on the finance side of things.  NOT!!!

You would think I would be prepared for this!  I do try to buy gifts throughout the entire year for birthdays and holidays in order to avoid the account crunch this time of year and for the most part I do well.  The parties are where you get hit.  We have done a home party for the three youngest for the past few years because it is a bit less expensive and they actually prefer it in its simplicity and intimacy.  They said they like to be home and just play with everyone.  Sold!  Sounds good to me! 

So, how do you try to do a fun birthday party for three little girls, have it be as healthy as possible and not as expensive as possible?

Here is how we (by we, I mean “I”) broke down our party.  Hopefully you can find some helpful hints for your next home party in here.

Decorations- I made my own this year.  I brought out all the fun stuff and had at it with the girls.  I used the numbers and their names to be creative and make each one unique to them.  They got a kick out of it and took pride in ownership of their 4’s and 2.  I was going to do balloons, but they are so expensive for filled ones and so I purchased a big bag of them for under $10 and my husband filled them with the air compressor.  We filled many more than I would have bought pre-filled and the kids had a great time bopping them around and playing with them.  They just littered the floor.  PLUS, we got to have a great popping party after people left.  It was loud and fun and the kids cleaned up all the latex confetti like they were collecting gold.  We had some streamers left over from a party in 2005… yep! 2005.  Hey, you never know when you may need some streamers again.  Those rolls have been through many a bash and doubled as mummy garb a time or two.

Food-  I wish I had a picture of the spread!  It was good stuff and I had to keep refilling.  I did spend a little more for the organic varieties, but honestly it was only about $25 more when it was all said and done.  Not bad at all and definitely worth it.   

Snacks-  I started with organic veggies with homemade organic ranch dressing, organic apples with natural crunchy peanut butter, organic home popped popcorn with some seasonings, an awesome all organic Mexican dip that my mother in law makes with chips (I have been known to eat the vast majority on my own at family functions!), a simple trail mix I made of pretzels, nuts, and raisins and an assortment of some organic cheese and sweet crackers for the smaller tykes to munch on. 

Drinks- We kept it simple here.  We had organic lemonade and organic apple juice to drink and obviously water was an option.  There was also sweet and unsweetened tea.

Dinner- I thought it may be fun to do a pizza bar.  It was a bit of work on the front end, but it was a hit and everyone made exactly what they wanted.  So, the week beforehand I hand made 60-70 individual pizza crusts spread over 4 days.  It was a process that I needed to be home a good 3-4 hours for because of two rising periods in there, but it was a neat learning experience and the kids LOVED kneading the dough, rolling and poking with me.  Nap time ended up being a great time for a lot of it.  These were whole wheat pizza crusts that were baked about 8 minutes to get rigid enough for people to be able to hold and apply toppings.  Then we just gathered some usual suspect toppings, and some more novel ones, whipped up some homemade pizza sauce and people had at it.  Now, since we do not have a commercial sized oven we used the grill and could cook 6-7 at a time.  You just had to wait until the cheese melted and it was ready to eat!  Yummy!

Dessert- For this I went with cupcake cones because the girls had them at another party and loved the idea.  I couldn’t find an organic variety cake mix that didn’t have a bunch of stuff in it I couldn’t pronounce and so I made my own banana cake and stuck some cones in the batter while they rose.  I will admit I bought the cones thinking they were cool and colorful and when I got home realized…  “oh, hey Nellie I am not sure the extra dyes in those Crayola colored cones are so natural!” I wouldn’t do it again, but I stayed with them this time.  Then I made some cream cheese frosting and they were awesome!  The adults liked them, the kids liked them and I had WAY to many of them after people left.  I couldn’t stop though, but it was my birthday too, so it was OK… right? 

Entertainment- kids are kids and you can give them a paper tube to play with and they are good.  I did go a bit beyond that however.  We have a bounce house that we inflated in the backyard (which is a great purchase for these occasions that can be found used for a good price), our swing set, a large parachute, a playhouse, crawling tubes and I face painted.  Now I am NOT an artist by any stretch of the imagination, but a little heart, butterfly, football or monster I can handle. 

(We love our bounce house!)

(They found all sorts of ways to play with the parachute)

(My sister was giving it a try on my mom)

Favors- I went simple with fun crafty bags.  A couple of pieces of hard candy, sidewalk chalk, modeling clay, wiki stix and some tattoo’s filled some translucent blue bags. 

The food was great, the kids had fun, their was visiting and laughs so all in all it was a successful birthday party.

The truth, though, is that it is not about the budgeting, the party or the food and decorations… it is about celebrating the lives of these amazing little girls.  When the chaos of the party was behind me and I had a moment to breathe and think about my little monkeys turning four years old and two years old that was my moment.  I hugged them tight and told them how much I loved all of them.  A birthday party can be as huge or as small as you would like, but just remember that the party and the gifts are not the true celebration.  To be with our kids everyday in between those birthdays and see every milestone pass, every smile shine and feel every proud moment is the real celebration.

(Trinity has such a gentle side to her)

(Lana all decked out like the princess she really is)

(My most mischievous monkey eating our watermelon harvest from this year)

Happy party planning to all of you out there.  May your parties be successful and exactly what you hope for!

Your Serve!

How many things have people served you with in your life?  I am not talking about the restaurants you go to and the paid services, but real service.  The random person that helps you when your car breaks down, the person that helps you with a project with no gain of their own, the person that helps you with a mess or offers you shelter under an umbrella during a storm.  Maybe you have been the recipient of a lot of service in your life, or maybe you have been fortunate enough to not need much in the way of service.  But, let’s face it… we all need something from time to time and how nice is it when someone lends a willing hand?

This past weekend my church did a Good Neighbor program and it was an amazing event.  It was just a remarkable feeling to be a part of a service movement of over 3,000 people going out to over 80 sites and serving over 40 different causes.  Church service was cancelled for the weekend and there were 4 shifts of volunteers.  This was for all ages and all types of people to get out there and show that they are a Good Neighbor and hopefully influence others to be the same.  Everyone met in the morning, received assignments and then a large fleet of us left the church.  We all turned in different directions, but all had the same goal; “I am going to go out and help today”.  The pictures and stories from the weekend are incredible.  One of the most astonishing numbers was the 83,000 meals that were packaged by the groups assigned to the Kids Against Hunger campaign.  I saw lots of pictures, but one of my favorites was a little boy, maybe six or seven, washing the feet of another little boy about the same age because he didn’t have any shoes.  The recipient was getting some new socks and shoes that day and this young man was washing the dirt from his tired soles.  It tugged at my heart to see the seeds of service being planted in both of these young boys. 

(This was our little crew before we started.  We went to a prairie to collect native grass seeds and rare flower seeds for Hamilton County Parks and Rec for them to plant next spring in other locations in the County)

Brian and I met our freshman year of college in our pledge semester of Alpha Phi Omega, a co-ed community service fraternity.  We were, in essence, born from service.  I enjoyed serving in high school a few times and really needed APO when it came into my life.  Great people, greater mission and over three years of incredible friends and memories were made.  When we graduated and went on with our lives service diminished a bit in the chaos of life.  But, when we had kids we agreed that service was a practice we wanted to make routine and common for all of us.  After serving as the children’s service coordinator for my mom’s organization and serving on the committee an additional year I found a refreshed sense of service and opportunities out there.  Though many times I felt like I was pulling teeth I felt driven by the importance of our children having a serving heart.  I have said before that I am not raising children, but future women; women that have potential to change the world one service at a time. 

(Lana found her own little stretch of grasses and was there a while)

(Trinity did an awesome job getting down and dirty in the thick of the prairie.  The girls all found the right things after our short tutorial at the beginning)

(It was hard to tell where the girls were sometimes!)

(Even Journey was a trooper.  We all worked out there for two and a half hours and collected bags and bags of seeds)

(It was very peaceful out there)

(Her little, not even two year old body needed a little rest for a few minutes.  She cracks me up!)

We all have this potential everyday.  To think of everything that could use your help globally is overwhelming and impossible, but not doing anything about any cause is foolish and selfish.  There is an entire world out there of hands reaching out for help and all you need to do is grab one.  Isn’t that one of the best lessons we can teach our children?  Help those in need!  Serve those that need served and learn about the world as you do.  So many times our children are unintentionally encompassed in their own world and forget about the other parts of life.  All of us, especially children, have so much love in our hearts that can be spread and cherished by so many.  We are all neighbors right?  Those in the house or apartment next to you, those in your city, and those in your state, country and continent… even those on the opposite side of the world.  We are all here together, at the same time.  Undoubtedly some make terrible choices and don’t look back.  But others make those choices and realize their fault and try to correct it and still others (too many others) have awful choices made for them at no fault of their own.  But we, all of us, can help each other and our planet that so desperately needs us.  We just need to make that choice.

Put some good out there.

Take The Crazy Out Of Grocery Shopping

No matter how many moms I talk to it seems like there is a consensus that grocery shopping is one of the worst things imaginable when your kids are with you.  It is like the theme song of psycho is emitting from them, coupled with the bulging eyes.  “The tantrums!”, “the grabbing and breaking things”, “the whining”, “the time and annoyance” are all things I have heard and much, much more.  Ladies and gentlemen, it does not have to be this way!!!

Why do your children throw fits in general?  Usually because they want something they can’t have, right?  When you are at the supermarket clutching your list and coupons, trying to find deals and brands you want, what is your child doing?  They are either strapped in to the shopping cart, sitting in the back of the cart, walking aimlessly behind you and causing some sort of market mayhem or buckled into one of the new fancy car carts with the Dora stories playing on a small tv.  But, honestly, as many times as I have seen those car carts in use the children are still whining for one thing or another and you can hear the mom saying “just watch your show” aka…  “Leave me alone!” 

Your children want what they always want…  YOU!  So, give them just that!  Make them a part of the experience.  I go grocery shopping with my four all the time and it is doable and I do not use strollers either.  I have always been a “once my kids can walk- out go the strollers” kind of mom.  Will there be time outs?  Probably yes.  Will it always be a piece of cake? Absolutely not.  But at some point we need to start teaching our kids how to behave in public rather than strapping them in, preparing for the worst and hoping they are not too loud when they scream and possibly break 32 jars of pickles. 

Teach your children to stay close.  It is a black and white issue.  You stay close or you go in time out and not a mean aggravated time out, but a “you need to sit here for a moment because I love you and I don’t want you to get lost” time out.  Children are very smart and even mine at 18 months knew exactly what I was talking about when I told them why they had to sit there.

Engage your children in what you are doing.  Let them help you find things, explain what colors the labels are, and show them letters on the labels.  Ask them questions like they could answer you and laugh with them.  Make a “grocery list” for them to mark things off on, let them rattle a box of mac’ n’ cheese for a while or have them pick some random small toy to carry around while they are in the store (making sure they understand that the toy is NOT coming home and they will just give it a tour of the store and then say goodbye when it is time to go).

My kids range from the 6 year old, who could probably do the whole grocery shopping trip on her own if I sent her in with the list, to a nearly two year old that loves to stop and look at fish and play with spice containers and boxes of anything that make noise.  But, they all help.  It is a team effort when we go and I am a captain of the team.  As captain, or leader, I need to stay calm, show patience and show them how to grocery shop in a respectable manner.  I teach them how to pick ripe fruit, the right color bananas, which veggies look best and let them choose between a couple of granola bar options and other things.  If you give them some responsibility and controlled choices they feel like a million bucks.  They feel like they went grocery shopping too, instead of going with mommy or daddy and watching them shop. 

I have seen some horrid tantrums in stores where the moms just had to leave their full carts behind and go, but I guess that was just never an option to me.  That is them winning and getting the upper hand and you can’t let them know that can happen.  Be strong and go there knowing no matter what you ARE getting your groceries and it might take longer than you imagined, but it will happen.  The worst tantrums I have seen are when the parent is simultaneously throwing a fit and it is hard to tell who is winning the academy award that day. 

The trick is to stay calm.  People understand that kids are kids and if they don’t?  Well…  they should find a “no kids allowed” grocery store.  Good luck with that.

Everything doesn’t have to be a battle and grocery shopping with your kids doesn’t have to rank up there with the 10 things you hate to do.  You can make it a fun and enjoyable learning experience for everyone and if you have them walk, it tires out those little legs and nap time is even quieter that day.  Bonus!

Is it easier to go grocery shopping on my own?  For sure! But, it is because it is quiet and I don’t have a million questions to answer and I can find things and move quicker, it isn’t because I don’t have to deal with screaming and fussy children. 

So… new parents out there don’t worry! It is possible to get the groceries as your children grow.  When they are small, they just sleep in their carseats, and then there is the strapped in the cart stage (which I would recommend a padded cart cover for) or stroller plus cart method (which I always went for during flu season just in case), and then let them get out and explore.  Teach them from the beginning how to be responsible in public and the rewards will come back to you for years to come.  For those reading this that have older children and want to stop the insanity just try baby steps.  Let them out until they can’t seem to behave anymore and ask, CALMLY, if they need to go in the cart or go in time out.  Changing a set behavior is always more challenging than establishing one from the beginning, but it can happen.  I promise.  It just takes a change of direction from you most of all. 

With all of this said I have to share a funny grocery store story of my own.  So, it was one of those grocery store runs in the middle of the week and I needed to make a dish for a new mom of twins that I needed to deliver that evening.  My own twins were only about a year and a half old and I was big and pregnant with number four.  I needed only four things at the store and so I lured them into a fun cart ride.  They both sat in the back and we zoomed through the store like only a mommy driven racing car cart can.  I found the sticks of butter and I was checking out cheese and yogurt choices when I glanced over my shoulder to see that both of my cute little girls had opened the package of stick butter, peeled down the paper edges, like a banana, and were happily munching on sticks of butter.  After my stomach stopped churning, and my smile was adequately disguised, I took them away and cleaned their greasy little hands and mouth and got some new butter.  I couldn’t believe it!  Disgusting, but SO funny.

Here is to many a fun and adventurous grocery shopping trips in your future… without the meltdowns!!!

(picture above from clavelandleader.com)

An Extra Large Order of Life, Hold the Guilt

Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just order up our everyday like we do a Starbucks specialty drink or favorite meal?  There would be no surprises, no awkward moments and no stresses that we would have to react to.  It would be smooth sailing!  Ahhh…..

(This would be a great ideal everyday)

            But, that isn’t how it goes people.  My day starts with a list of great intentions and by the end of the day all, some or none of those things are crossed off.  I scribble in an “eat lunch” so I can at least cross something off the list to feel modestly productive.  But, were did the day go?  Were you lazy and watching tv wearing sweats in a Snuggie featuring your favorite print or sports team with no distractions but the scream of your bladder every so often?  No, probably not.  Your day was most likely spent chasing, cleaning up, making food, dealing with hard to deal with people, running and trying to keep up all the time and always feeling like you are falling short in one way or another.

(Trinity expressing her crazy side)

(The bathroom sink that one of the girls thought would make a fun bathtub for her dolls!)

            Myself, and so many of us out there, struggle with this everyday.  And what do we do with it?  We wad up all the frustration, disappointment, unaccomplished tasks and exhaustion into a ball of guilt that then eclipses all the good intentions, great memories and priceless moments that might have happened that day in the midst of everything else.  The beautiful sunrise you saw out of the car window while at that stop light, the smile you shared with someone, the way your child clung to you, and only you, when they were tired.  So many moments, awesome moments, are passed through everyday without even a second glimpse back because we are too busy fretting about something else and feeling the weight of guilt about one thing or another. 

            This world thrives on guilt.  Let’s face it.  Half of the billboards you see on the highway tug at your guilt.  Your parents, your kids, your friends, your work associates and boss guilt you. But, honestly, you are probably the worst perpetrator of this.  I get so down on myself sometimes because I didn’t get the last three out of the thirteen things I had on my to-do list done in the day.  My husband looks at me and says “You did a great job.”  But, like many wives, I find it hard to believe any good thing my husband says about me, but I am quick to exploit the even insinuated negative from him.  Why is that?  I am getting better though…  I think! 

(I really do try to listen to what he says about everything.  That should count for something!)

            I am just ready to start living life without the guilt monster hounding me.  A friend and I were talking the other day about how we are the world’s worst boss to ourselves.  Seriously!  If you do awesome at 10 things and miss a few smaller things in a day and your boss towers over you, red faced, blaring accusatory remarks while thrashing his pointer finger around, that is pretty harsh.  But, that is how we are to ourselves.

            There are so many emotions that run rampant in our lives everyday, especially with our children that are still trying to learn what emotions are.  What sort of teachers are we when we are harboring guilt all the time?  Sometimes I can’t work out, but that is ok.  Life is my workout that day.  Sometimes the girls homework doesn’t get done, but it is because we are out there seeing the world instead of sitting down to a two dimensional version on paper.  Sometimes all the cleaning will not get done, but it will still be dirty tomorrow to clean.  Our true friends would never guilt us.  The organizations to which we belong can only have so much of our time because family should always come first and this isn’t something to be guilty about.  Extended families don’t understand your choices many times because they are not immersed in your life and you can’t let your children use this power against you. 

            If you are a guilt giver you need to stop polluting the world with emotional distress and as a recovering receiver you just need to say no.  Stop guilt in its tracks before it even gets to you.  Only you know if you are doing the best you can every day and anything beyond that you need to let go of.  Sometimes bad roads are paved with good intensions and rest with that.  Rest knowing you tried to do your best even if the outcome was different than you imagined.  We are no good to our families, work or anything else while we are exhausted or bogged down with emotional guilt and self pity. 

            Tomorrow when you get up, or starting now if you can, shed the mental and emotional chaos of guilt.  Hand it over and start opening your eyes a little more to the accomplished, the contented and the good.  I promise it is out there.

(First pony ride)

(First time holding birds)

(First fish!)

(Her contagious appetite for life!)