Is Food the Enemy or Are We? (Part One)

So much, too much, of my life has been spent obsessing over food and what to have and how much to have and horribly regretting things after I have them and then beating myself up.  Not fun! I am so tired of the fight, but who am I fighting with?  Am I fighting with my will power alone or is there a much more virulent predator attacking my relationship with food? 

I grew up, like so many of us 80’s and 90’s kids, on the fads of the time.  There were scores of Doritos, Fritos, Coke and Pepsi products and I am pretty sure one of my closest friends as a child was Little Debbie.  My parents went through many different fad diets while I was growing up as well.  My most fond, (being very facetious!) was the turkey diet we went on.  Every night we had some sort of turkey.  I came to think they could mold this food product into whatever shape you wanted and you could have a plate of turkey burger with mashed turkey and a side of turkey beans.  If you were ever so lucky you could have a turkey shake to accompany your dinner.  Yes, I am kidding, but it is what it felt like.  In high school I started eating at friends houses and started to see new worlds of eating.  Some seemed more careless than ours and others seemed more sophisticated and had vegetables I had never even heard of.  I was on the high school gymnastics team all four years and so exercise became a regular part of my life at that time.  Let me tell you, walking around in a leotard through your high school years, when you were not blessed with the pencil thin figures that some others on your team had, could wear on ones self esteem a little bit.  I would sit and listen to others say how many calories they took in at lunch after I had just consumed a white bagel stick, covered in large crystals of salt, with two cream cheese tubs and an ice cream cookie (Good choice Nellie!). Thank goodness I worked out two hours a day!  I think it was my senior year that I started looking at food and all of the other healthier options and varieties that were out there and realized the impact food has on the body. 

When I went off to college it was dorm food and parties, which is a bad combo as is.  I had a couple of dear high school friends that were vegetarian and I had contemplated it before, but my burgers, prime rib, steaks on the grill, bacon and chicken were too much to give up.  I took an animal rights course my freshman year at IU.  I don’t remember anything about the class except for the prof’s very Tom Selleck mustache and a video we watched.  It was one of those hidden camera, behind the scenes of a slaughter house movies and I was so caught by surprise.  I had no idea, and had never before stopped to think, where my food came from.  Not only was it inhumane what they were doing, but the facility was disgusting and there was no telling what was safe and what wasn’t.  I was in shock.  That night, October 31^st 1996, I sat at the table in my dorm cafeteria staring at “Chicken Surprise” (no joke) and didn’t know how this animal had gotten to my dinner plate.  I covered it, pushed it away and got some cereal for dinner that night.  I decided I was a vegan.  Oh yes, not a vegetarian, but a vegan.  Was this a smart choice to do when I knew nothing about it?  Probably not, but I wasn’t about to eat any of that “stuff”.  When I went home and told my mom before Thanksgiving dinner….  hmmm… ..let’s just say things didn’t go well, but I was sticking to it.  I went a couple of years with rice milk and vegan cheese and lots of cereal, but it was when I was 20 and cheesy potatoes were put in front of me at a Christmas dinner that I fell off my vegan wagon and ate a sickening amount of those potatoes.  They were good, but ugh…  I felt horrible afterwards.  I had an idea in my mind that I probably would not be a vegan forever, but vegetarian? Yes!  And I have for all these years.  Through pregnancy, breast feeding (sometimes multiple children) and everything I never had a problem with keeping up my iron or protein levels.  My only problem was WHAT I was eating.  Cheese consumed my life!  I would buy this nacho cheese from Kroger down the street and go through bins every few days.  I would visit taco bell so often that they knew our names and pizza was had at least a couple times a week.  Big Ten Special from Pizza Express baby!  Needless to say the weight was gained, the self esteem was lowered and, long story short, I yo-yo’s through the next decade of my life.  Yes, I had pregnancies in there too, but there was a time that I thought cheese fries and a chocolate malt were ideal for lunch any day.  I started running and taking care of myself a little better, but food was always there and the imitation food started to replace real foods.  I knew I would have to grow up at some point, but when you grow up with certain foods and then marry the guy who has done this with you since you were 18 it is hard to break old habits!

(A friend and myself in my crazy college bedroom eating a bag of doritos and drinking wine, perfect college combo!)

(Brian and I at our college graduation)

(Me in 2001)

(2002)

(2006)

(2006)

(Twin pregnancy 2007)

It wasn’t fun, I had a closet of clothes size 4 to 18.  I had heart, digestive and infertility issues through those years as well.  But, what I consumed was all about to change.  In my next blog I will tell you about our first food overhaul that led to the world of organics and why. 

Are you stuck in the college life eating habits that should have been gone a while ago.  Is it time you looked at your diet and started educating yourself on what you are really eating?  It is mind blowing what you find when you just take the time to look and what is even more amazing is the brutality you are putting your body, the planet and the economy through when you just sit back and ignore the “super market games”.

MI Home

I sat down not to long ago and talked with Brian about all the different places I have lived in my life.  I started my life in Michigan.  There was Novi, Royal Oak and Troy.  When I was 17 I started college down in Bloomington IN at IU (I-U !!!).  Except for the first summer, I stayed there and became an adopted Hoosier.  Then it was North Carolina, then Chicago, then back to Indiana with a couple stops in each one along the way.  I think we are planted here for a while, but I can’t help but feel like Michigan is always home.  Whenever we cross over the border and see the welcome sign, an ahhhhhh... feeling comes over me and I am back.  The Great Lakes, the small lakes, the miles of pines Up North and the beauty of the Upper Peninsula.  There is Mackinac and the Dunes and peace in so many parts of the state. 

One of my favorite parts of Michigan is Higgins Lake.  When I was only three years old my mom and I drove around and found this set of two small cottages overlooking the crystal clear, spring fed, lake and she bought it.  I have been going to this place every summer of my life since and I hope to for all the summers to come.  This is a lake that you can see straight to the bottom at 30-40 feet deep right before the drop off when the color turns a brilliant blue.

It is quiet there; you can just sit and be with your thoughts if you want.  There isn’t urgency for anything and the sound of the boats and walkers and bicycles all day up and down the small dirt road play a humbling tune.  The deck that sits in the middle was built by my grandfather, who passed away in 2000, and is the perfect spot to read, talk, spot a neighbor for a conversation or just sit with yourself for a while.  Reacquaint yourself with yourself after all of the chaos of the day to day that you get lost in. 

(Journey catching up with Grandma and Grandpa)

There is games to play, water to be splashed in, adventures to go on and smiles to be expressed when you are up there.     

(playing cottage games)

On our trip up there this year we were able to see family, visit some new places and revisit some of those we love.  We laughed and had a great time.

Our first day we went to Tawas and visited with some family that was there camping.  It was great to play and catch up for the day.

(Uncle Dave with all of the little ladies)

(We were resting by the light house while the girls ate their push-ups.  WOW!  SO glad they were in their bathing suites for that one!)

(Grandma playing with the girls on Lake Huron)

(Hanging out in the shade)

Our day ended with driving back and resting AND getting ice cream for dinner!  This was another one of our things on our summer to do list.  Major hit by the way!

The next day we couldn't resist going back to the Dunes on the east side of Michigan.  They are so beautiful and just amazing to play on.  There is one tour that you can go on that takes you to picnic areas and some scenic stops along the way.  One of the stops has an incredibly steep drop all the way down to Lake Michigan.  Last year I attempted and succeeded at going down (taking about 2 minutes) and back up (about 20 minutes).  It is so hard, but I couldn't pass up the chance to do it again this year and it was easier thank goodness!  Brian and the girls cheered me on from the observation deck above.

There I go! It is about 400 feet down!

I am somewhere on there trying to climb back up!

I made it and then the whole family went to the dune hill and we climbed to the very top of the highest hill.  Lana was leading the charge and kept saying "I am going to keep going!".  I wasn't about to stop a girl on a mission.  I am sure people thought we were crazy.  I was carrying Journey up a sand hill that 3/4 of your step you loose when sliding back down and dragging Trinity with me.  With all of her attributes, physical toughness is not one of them right now.  After we soaked in the moment on the rocks and trees at the top we headed down.  Brian helped Trinity on the way down and the sheer terror that girl felt when she saw the downward path produced a glass shattering scream that lasted the entire way down.  There might have been some looks at the two of them and probably some phones picked up ready to call 911, but all was good. 

We traveled back to the cottage and rested and swam and played. 

I can't wait to go back to Higgins Lake again next year and see what adventure awaits.  No matter where I live, Michigan will always hold a piece of my heart.

Saddle Up

For Skyla’s 6^th birthday this year we didn’t want to give her toys or clothes or something that is awesome for a second and then tossed to the side for the next moment’s interests.  I have always been a fan of giving someone experiences as gifts like a dinner out to connect, a promise of some time together or the gift of adventure and activity.  So, this year we bought Skyla horseback riding lessons for the summer.  She had been excited to go to a friend’s birthday party last year and ride and also those random fairs and things when you pay an astronomical fee for some poor pony soul to walk around a pole once always seemed to excite her.  She was very happy when she opened the envelope and couldn’t wait for her first one, even though it was a couple of months away.

The day came back in July and we went.  It was the four girls and I and this place was so far and out in the middle of nowhere that it felt like an alternate universe and in many ways it was.  Suburbia to farm country.  We stepped out and went into the facility.  There were horses everywhere and the neigh’s reverberated all around.  Journey was so shocked and excited she could just jump up and down and neigh herself.  Skyla was taken back to start her lesson. 

We went to an air conditioned observation room (thank you air conditioning) and watched.  She walked her horse “Foxy” out and got up there like a trooper.  I didn’t know what to expect…  fright, tears, hesitation???  But, there was none of that.  She got up there and started off on the horse and walked a few laps around the BIG arena by herself.  Part of me wanted to leap through the glass and hold on to her, but the other part realized that she is growing up and these experiences are amazing to her.  The more things she can experience now, at home and away, the more she can take out into the world with her.

I was very proud.  She had now surpassed anything I have ever done on a horse.  You go

girl!

Her sisters were able to spend more time with horses than ever before as well.  Petting, watching, feeding and “riding”. 

They taught her all sorts of things that I will not pretend to fully understand.  She did English and western style, she trotted and posted, she did obstacle courses and a lot of balancing work.  It was fun to watch her go through all of the lessons and see her grow during them over the summer.  So, Thanks Foxy, Marge and Lucky for your time this summer.

 

Do I think she will ever be in a show or do this for a living? No.  But, does she now have more confidence up there and in other areas of her life because she did this?  Probably.  Birthday present well received…

When did this happen?

When did the little baby girl I gave birth to six years ago grow up? 

When did she trade in her mumbles for words and then sentences and now conversation? 

When did her tousled tresses become flowing locks of gold that are pinned back in just the right way?

When did the chubby cheeks I couldn’t stop kissing become the beautiful face of a little woman?

I don’t know where any of the time went, as I sit here after she has left for her first day of FIRST GRADE!

It is a stark reminder of the limited days we have with our children to teach them the ways of life, the best we can, before they venture out into that world on their own for good.  Part of her is already out there.  She has her own little life at school that we are not a part of from 8am-3pm everyday.  I just pray that she has the strength and courage to take chances with people and obstacles, but also the obedience and manners to get through the days graciously.  All we can do as parents is our best.  Give them a good example and in those moments we don’t, to confess that we could have done better and we will do so in the future.  We are all just people, humans, even parents, even our parents.

To my beautiful Skyla I love you more than you know my sunshine and you were the first answer to Daddy and I’s fairytale coming true.  Go out there and learn, be adventurous, make friends, create and have FUN!!!

Happy first day of First Grade!!

Her very Own locker!

A desk with her name on it!  I am sure it will be very organized knowing Skyla.

So excited!

(That's right!  It is all about the purple leopard print this year.  Grandma Kathy will be so proud!)

Our Escape

Months and months of hard work, chaotic schedules, unexpected dramas, over scheduling and under rest creep up on you and you don’t even know how much your body, mind and soul need to escape until you finally do. 

This small island in the southern part of North Carolina is where we call "Our Escape".  Oak Island is a place that isn’t flashy or pretentious, but instead it is elegant in simplicity.  We go there to be reminded of life and the gift we have been given.  We go to witness those mysteries that we are just to delight in and not to understand.  The cadence of the waves lapping the shore and the rhythm of the tide going in and out and in and out put me at ease.  The world goes on, and goes on beautifully, without the lunch calendar being perfect, without the house being spotless, the last email being returned or even the last show being watched on the DVR.  It doesn’t matter there.  The only thing that matters is us.  Our family being together and enjoying all those moments of silliness, smiles, quiet looks and holding on to one another. 

We were headed to this very place this summer in mid June.  We NEEDED it.  With our lives right now we have only been able to go on a vacation about every two years and this was a very busy couple of years with moving, a new baby and a string of other entangled events.

We were driving, of course, because flying this crew of six would require Donald Trump’s backing these days.  An eight hour car ride with four young ones is interesting to say the least, but we did it with a lot of singing, movies (hey, it was mostly veggie tales at least!) and sporadic sleeping.  The mountains were gorgeous and when we stopped in Ashville, NC for the night we were ready for some rest.  We went to dinner at some Mexican place by the hotel, which is never a good idea by the way!  We had a wait and so we sat… again!  After dinner we went back to the hotel where Journey graced the walls with a Monet in red crayon and we had to use some elbow grease from the both of us to get that off.  I am not sure what the people on the other side of the wall thought was happening over there.

The girls had a movie night because when you are sticking six people in one room for the night that have varying sleep needs a movie is a great buffer for everyone.  The next morning the continental breakfast was awesome!  I always stay at Comfort Inn Suites because they have great complimentary breakfasts of waffles, pancakes, cereal, muffins, bagels, bread, yogert and all the drinks you could think of for breakfast.  It is a nice free breakfast for six people!

Anyway, another eight hours of fun later we are THERE!!!!!   As soon as we cross the bridge the windows go down, whatever form of entertainment that is on is turned off and we just take in a deep breath.  Anyone who follows my blog knows what happened next.  We found our vacation house and jumped out without hesitation, almost forgetting to turn the van ignition off.  We ran out to the water as fast as our atrophied legs would take us after two days in a packed car and we cheered, danced and leaped around.  We watched the waves, the pelicans and the birds.  We smelled the salt of the ocean, felt the sun on our faces and just smiled.  It is awesome!

My mother-in-law, Brian’s step dad, my sister-in-law and nephew all joined us with four large Labradors, Bella being one of them.  We stayed in a four bedroom house there on the beach where a small dune in front of our stairs was the only thing holding back the high tide.  During low tide we had football fields of sand to play on and the girls covered all they could.

We spent days playing in the waves, napping and eating.  We renewed our vows there for our ten year anniversary, which you can read about in my previous blog titled “Renewal”. We spent other days going to aquariums, via ferry boat, and Myrtle Beach to visit the more frenzied crowds. 

More than anything we spent time together; Brian and I, us with our girls, the girls with their grandparents, the girls with their Aunt and everyone with my nephew because he is 14 and at that age of solitary confinement when it comes to anyone older than him.  We were able to see him and get to know him and he is an awesome kid filled with all the quirks and insecurities of every teenager out there.  We were all there, we know…  but, they don’t know we know!

I was NOT ready to leave when that next Saturday came.  I could have stayed at the beach all summer and maybe even longer.  The ocean breathes life into me and it always has, but for my whole family it was an escape from the days and chaotic ways of home.  This was an escape that was needed and deserved by all who shared it with us. 

Do you have an escape? A place that you love?  It doesn’t have to be so far away as long as it refreshes you and lifts you so that you can give your all in the best possible way.  I hope you do and I hope you can go there soon!

Happy Travels Friends!