When you have four kids within four and a half years the responsibilities, duties, tasks, cleanup, teaching and everything else can get jumbled together in a multi colored, twisted, yarn ball that seems unlikely to ever get untangled. I have had some moments lately where I feel this way, particularly with teaching at home.
When Sky was young I could sit down with her everyday after the twins went down for nap, have one on one time and progress with her while we worked together. It was just us, a quiet house and a small slice of time. I found that I was still living in that fantasy world of progress with this go around with the twins who are now four. I was successful with Skyla, of course I can do it with Trinity and Lana as well. Right? They have been in preschool for a year and a half and I have been trying to do things at home since even before that. Journey, my 2 year old, is also in the mix though and she is, well, difficult to keep in one place and content sometimes. I seem to have tried everything from waiting until Journey goes to bed, but then one of the others is too tired to learn. I would try while she is awake, different times of the day and on and on. It was exhausting and I was beginning to have anxiety over homework time, the girls were dreading it and this is the opposite of what I want for them. I want them to love learning and have fun with it because it is fun to learn, explore and discover our world.
(Skyla and her classmates learning about bugs on their trip to the Cincinnati Zoo)
Last week I hit my peak of frustrations with this when everyone was leaving school time in tears and aggravation (yes… even me sometimes). I emailed their teacher to ask for advice. This amazing woman called me right away and spoke with me about what was going on. We talked for a while about what we could do, but it was one piece of advice that she gave me that lifted a heavy load off my shoulders. She said to work with them one at a time and if it doesn’t get done then that is fine. One at a time? One at a time!! I had thought about it before, but I just felt like there wouldn’t be time enough in the day. I felt like I should be able to do tandem school work while occupying a toddler, making dinner and answering math questions of the first grader. I should be able to do everything. The truth is I could push through it, I could do it, but it wasn’t the best thing for the girls.
That incredible teacher of theirs gave me the one thing I needed, but didn’t realize. She gave me a breakthrough! She gave me permission to take time one on one with the girls and give them the individual attention they crave and need. They are different children after all with different needs, gifts and struggles and I need to address all of them. That is my job. I am first and foremost here for them and everything else can wait. It can.
In having all of the girls, especially in the world of twins who share everything and have been separated only a handful of times in their lives, it is difficult to individualize them sometimes. Skyla had so much one on one time and Journey even has some when all of her sisters are at school, but Trinity and Lana have been grouped together since the beginning.
(Trinity and Lana only a couple of days old)
So, my point in this is… if something isn’t working allow yourself a break. Allow yourself permission to step back and look at things from an outside perspective and even ask someone else what you could do differently. I took Lana into the office and worked with only her for a while. What once was a huge meltdown moments before out in the bustle of the kitchen while trying to get her to make an “a” the right way (which she has done many times and just wouldn’t / couldn’t at the time) was now peaceful time with only mommy in a quiet place where I was not distracted and she wasn’t either. She did a great job, I was proud of her and she was proud of herself. That is worth everything.
It all seems so logical an “of course Nellie!!! Why did you not think about that?”, but when you have 27 hours worth of things to do in 24 hours and you somehow need to fit in sleep you can loose track of rational thinking sometimes.
I am again excited about our week to come and excited where this can lead my girls in their school work, but also in just having that private time with each of them to explore their little amazing minds.
What situation in your life might need a second look? Try asking someone sincerely what you might be able to do differently and maybe you can have a whole new perspective that was right in front of you the whole time, but you just didn’t see it.
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