A New Normal

Have you had to readjust your life, probably more than once, to accommodate a different set of circumstances thrown your direction?  Our family is experiencing this today.  In the middle of last week my husband’s grandfather passed away.  This was not unexpected.  On the contrary, it was very expected.  He had been hanging on without life support for 11 days in my in-law’s home under hospice care.  His last few years were interrupted with doctors visits and tests, diagnosis and declining prognosis.  It started with prostate cancer which led to bone cancer, clots in his lungs and pneumonia.  For more than a week before he died he was unresponsive.  We all knew it was coming, but nothing ever really prepares the family to say goodbye.   

(These were both taken at grandma and grandpa's 50th anniversary party.  They have eight children, 14 grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren)

Grandpa Bill was visited by his three out of state son’s just weeks before he passed, while he was still mobile and lucid.  His five other children, including my mother in-law, are relatively close and were able to handle responsibilities and care for him.  My in-laws had created a beautiful space for grandma and grandpa to move into over the summer, but their adamant and stubborn ways (understandably seen by so many of the older generation) kept them from moving in.  Seemingly spontaneously Grandpa announced their moving date and hustled preparations were made.  They moved in just two weeks and two days before he died.  Grandma now has a place that she can feel safe, even after he is gone, and is settled.  I think moving was the last grand gesture he gave his wife.  They celebrated their 60 year wedding anniversary at 10am on October 27^th.  She held his hand and wished him a happy anniversary.  But, it wasn’t until All Saints Day that he was able to let go and be with the angels. 

Family and friends converged from all over time and place.  Those that had known him all their lives to those that he touched years and years ago as a basketball player for Butler University, couch at Bloomington High School or teacher and education role model.  I only knew him as grandpa, and great grandpa to my girls.  When I had no grandpa’s left in my life he walked in and filled the seat.  He was funny, loved kids and being a kid and gave some great hugs.

(Skyla was just a few weeks old here)

(grandpa with my neice, one of his great granddaughters)

The viewing and funeral passed with some of those “only at a funeral” stories.  There are the random people no one really knows that talk your ear off and sometimes serenade you with a random song about a town in Ohio named Morrow.  Yeah, I was the victim of that one.  There was Skyla examining the body of her great grandpa and trying to figure out what parts were not as stiff.  When it appeared as though she was giving his poor body chest compressions my husband called her away.  Then there was the priest who accidentally hit grandpa’s casket when covering it with smoke from incense lantern.  There are a few other stories that are o’ so memorable, but not so appropriate for distribution.

But, then there was the beautiful flowers, the hugs, the pieces of his life that were there for all to see, the laughter and the tears combined into a collage of emotions.  The generations of the family painted across the room with the youngest members splattered  here and there unknowing of the true depth of the occasion.  There were connections made from years past and new connections made as strangers shared how Grandpa had woven into their lives.    

(Last Christmas he gave all his great granddaughters these HUGE dolls.  He was so excited to give them out that night)

So what now?  The treatments are done, the doctor visits are over, the visitation and funeral are in the past.  The surroundings are different for grandma and my in-laws.  A slew of paperwork and dutiful responsibilities are all that remain.  A new normal will begin, but no one really knows what that means.  It will be invented as we all go along.  His wife, his children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and good friends will think about him, remember him, laugh and miss him.