Super Producer

This was my title for three years of my life.  Why you ask? Because that is exactly what I was.  I was a super producer of milk! 

I did not grow up with a warm and fuzzy feeling when it came to breast feeding, so when it came time for me to have a child of my own I was conflicted.  Do I try?  Is it weird and gross? What would people think and how would they react?  I am sure many moms out there went through this.  Well, I decided to push everything else away except for my child and myself and ask then, “what should I do”.  I chose to give it a whirl.  What the heck!  It was free and from what I had read and heard it was the best option for my new little girl. 

So, I repeated the feed, pump, save game for a year.  My naive little self didn’t know all about storage options at that time and what I could do with the milk.  Before I knew it the deep freezer was cracked open for too long and I lost it all.  I know.  It was sad.

But, when I had my twins a year and a half later I knew what to do and I also had someone tell me about the Indiana Milk Bank!  I was connected with a family of quintuplets.  I was able to donate to that family throughout that next year and it was amazing to know I was helping other babies out there.  I saw them and was able to get to know them all.  So, I guess you could say at one point in my life I was feeding seven children.  Now I just feel like I had a litter… moving on. 

With my final pregnancy I knew I would want to donate again and so this time I gave straight to the bank and then toward the last part of my year of breastfeeding I gave to a family that was adopting a new born baby boy from Florida.  The new parents were so thankful to find a place they could get human milk for their little one. 

During this Time I was connected with Kevin West, who through his own life struggles was able to find the value in donated milk and he was filming a documentary on the subject.  It was a gift to be a part of this great project and the premier was on March 1, 2012 in Dallas and it is coming to Indianapolis in April. 

We all have our own decisions and our own paths, but this was one of mine and I am proud of. 

Here is where you can find the trailer to the documentary! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJFrnUZGndM

Are You a Hugger?

This may sound silly…  OK, it DOES sound silly, but one source of chaos in my life is social awkwardness.  You see, I am a hugger, but not everyone out there is a hugger.  When you are saying hello or goodbye to someone, or a group of someones, it can be uncomfortable and a little anxiety driven to think of who to hug, who not to hug, who to half hug, shake hands, wave or run from. 

I don’t want people to think I am some touchy weirdo, but I also want to spread a little love and comfort as often as possible.  Besides… hugs are nice!  Not to say I haven’t gotten some slightly uncomfortable hugs in my time, but on the whole they are a reminder that this person (me), no matter how well I know you, I care about you. 

Great Hug!

Get this crazy person away from me!

 

I guess I have joined my husband in the hug boat and just said the heck with it and we are just going to be a family of huggers!  My husband, on more than a hundred occasions I am sure, has surprised people extending a gesture of a handshake with a huge hug in return.  He is a big guy and there are always laughs and “oh yeah, he is a hugger!” remarks all around, but that is who he is. 

Giving joy and comfort shouldn’t be a source of anxiety in anyone’s life.  “Was that awkward?”, “Did I just make a mistake in doing that?”, “I will go ahead and avoid that person until they forget that I just did that!” are all things I have muttered probably more than once.

I understand the social graces of hugging and I will not be charging at you from down the hall with open arms and a “Where’s Johnny” expression on my face.  But, more than likely, if you know me and spend some time with me you will find yourself caught in a hug or two.

Those were some of the best hugs!!!

A Year and a Prayer

Our lives are always in flux.  They rollercoaster through the hills and valleys of transition, hurt, recovery, contentedness, exhilaration and a host of other states of being.  In thinking about this I thought it would be important to write about my past year and the changes that have taken place because I have hit every one of those highs and lows.  I have come out on the other side better than I was before and I only have one to thank for it all.

Life was clicking along at the usual paces of crazy and crazier when I got a simple, unassuming invitation to a Christmas Eve service at Northview Church from my friend Crystal.  My husband and I had thought about church many times in the past, but when we would try a “you don’t belong here!” feeling would overwhelm us and we never visited a church twice.  But, something about a Christmas Eve service that year, 2010, seemed to pull at me.  We had our four little girls with us now and it seemed time. 

When we walked in I didn’t want to run back out, so that was a good sign.  We took our seats in the balcony of the auditorium (I had NEVER seen a church like this before) and we waited with anticipation to see what we got our selves into.  The lights went down, the music started and the lead Worship Pastor Matt Bays began.  It was then that I knew I had found my church home.  Luckily my husband felt the same way.  

We played with schedules and things over the next few months and tried to fit weekend services in there.  It was last March when Lead Pastor Steve Poe started talking about tithing and having a generous heart that I was thrown through a loop.  I have always considered myself a generous person, but tithing was something completely foreign to me.  My husband and I were already standing on our tip toes to breathe in our pool of debt.  I wrote the pastor and asked about this because I couldn’t get it off of my mind.  I had so many questions about so many things.  I am sure he thought I was crazy, but he told me a few things.  He said the only thing God guarantees without anything in return is His love for me and that I shouldn’t donate anything, or serve, unless I feel told to through prayer.  Then he said, “Give it a year.  Give it a year and see how you feel about everything.”

So… I prayed, as best as I knew how that I would gain some understanding about it all.

That year was up very recently and let me tell you about those 365 days.

Last May my husband, Brian, was sitting alone at church while I was away at a conference.  They had a spontaneous baptism that day and he thought he would wait until the whole family was together before making such a decision.  But, he was sitting there and he couldn’t wait.  As though the Holy Spirit was going to take control of his very own legs and take him down there he leaped up and committed to be baptized.  I, about an hour away, was leaving and found myself rushing for no reason.  I couldn’t get to meet them soon enough.  I thought they may still be at church and he wasn’t answering his phone, so I just went.  I am pretty sure a law or two might have been broken in that drive (shhh…  don’t tell) but I made it to the church.  The atrium was still empty and so I ran (literally here, in heals) up to our usual spot in the balcony.  I fell on the way up the stairs and opened the double doors in full on soap opera stopping the wedding style.  When I opened them all I saw was my husbands face on the huge screen ahead of me.  I was so confused and then I realized I was watching him accept Jesus Christ as his own Lord and Savior and then he went down under water to be baptized.  I just started crying because what else could I do?  He was somewhere around 80th in line of over a hundred that day and the timing was nothing but a gift.  That experience really opened our eyes.  The seed was starting to grow roots.

I bought my first bible in June and started reading it the week of our vow renewal in North Carolina.  That whole experience was saturated in God’s presence.

I joined a bible study with some amazing women over that summer.  I had NO idea what I was doing.  I didn’t know anything about the bible and I was not one that was used to opening myself up so vulnerably to people.  But, I did it.  I grew from it and I loved it. 

My husband and I took the 8 week ALPHA course at our church at the end of the summer.  We met remarkable people, ate a lot of food, learned things, laughed, soaked in concepts and ideas, discovered things and understood things we didn’t even know existed before.  Following this course we started a year long bible plan and both of us read a little everyday and talk about what we read with each other.  About this time is when I started volunteering in the children’s area and our family started greeting at the doors one weekend a month.  I have helped with funeral services to furnish meals to those grieving families  also. 

The Good neighbor weekend was amazing for our family. 

I took a huge step of faith for myself and started blogging for the church which connected me to so many areas of interest and with a wealth of truly gifted people.  Writing for the church gave me the courage to launch my own blog soon after that, which you are reading write now!

A campaign was done at the church in order to raise money for the church and missions and we happily committed without hesitation for the next three years.

The holidays came with another beautiful service and concert and then started a new year, 2012.  In January our family started serving at an ALPHA course.  It was 8 weeks of being the hands and feet and helping others have the extraordinary experience we did.  We also started with a life group this month.  This is a group of people you would never put together on paper, but ours hearts are very compatible.  The age ranges, experience ranges, and where we are in life are all over the place, but we work.  We work amazing together and we have become so close in such a short amount of time that it is clear it was written for us to be together.

(This is most of us after a food pack for Kids Against Hunger)

At the end of January I too was baptized.  It was a huge deal for me and in many ways it was bigger than my wedding or even the birth of my children because it was the true testament to the beginning of my relationship with the one who gave me all of those blessings in my life.  The one who has always been there even when I didn’t recognize him.

Just a couple of weeks ago my husband and I embarked on the Discipleship Walks.  Two consecutive weekends where my husband was gone and then myself.  Again, I met incredible people and grew more with my faith in three days than I would ever think possible.  It, by itself, was a transcending experience and I feel like I am living a new life on return.

When I came home, I realized my year was up.  The year gave me a colorful palate of experiences, people, emotional and spiritual warfare, peace and turmoil, love and light.  But, the biggest thing I have gotten out of this year is Me.  I now understand better who I am, who He wants me to be and the potential of who I can be. 

Thank you God.

And This Is How We Do It… I guess?

My last little girl to be potty trained is kicking my ^&*^%.  It was getting hairy there for a little while until I remembered to keep things positive because harping, guilt trips and getting upset only gets me down and does nothing to make potty a “good thing” in my poor daughters mind.  She has been waking up in the morning and afternoon dry and when I ask if she wants to sit on the potty while I read to her, she will, but nothing happens.  I can nearly guarantee that she will go during their afternoon show and snack routine though.  So…  tah dah!  Bring that portable little potty out and she can go while she is watching and maybe make that feeling needing to go and something actually happening.  My other three never went to the bathroom outside of the bathroom, but, then again, Journey causes me to do many things a little different.  She is a little spice in my life. 

Did it work?  YES it did and she was so excited and got to put a sticker on her potty chart.  One more down on her long path to those coveted panties that she tells everyone about who comes to our house.  Be prepared.

An Occasional Pat on the Back

In this crazy and chaotic life that we are all trying to figure out, there are times of clarity and confidence, all be it fleeting and short lived sometimes.  These moments can say to you, “you did it!”, “you can do it”, “you are doing a great job”, or any number of things that elude to the fact that things are not always the tornadoes we perceive them to be.  These are the moments that we carry with us and use to remind us when the storms are most thick and heavy. 

I had one of these moments a couple weeks ago when I walked through the halls of my daughter’s school carrying and escorting her siblings and late, which seems to have become my new “on time”, and found this hanging on the wall. 

This one is a keeper!

Sometimes To Get To The Good, You Have To Go Through Some Bad

So, when you are going along in the regular morning routine, of getting one child and husband off to work and school and preparing to get the other three up so you can get them fed and take them to school, the last thing you want to hear is your washing machine all off a sudden sound like a freight train in mid cycle.  Ahhhh yes.  That is when the overwhelming “cccrrraaaaap” feeling overwhelms you and you just look at it and hope some magical fairies come and fix it so you can have some clean pants for tomorrow!

Well, the fairies did not come and I had a washer completely filled with water and clothes.  I couldn’t turn it on without the horrible noise, but I had to do what I could to try and drain it a little.  So, I put it on the “spin” cycle and watched as it did NOT spin, but some of the water went down anyway.  I lifted the clothes, wrung them out and put them in a plastic bag in a basket.  I put the 80 lbs. bag of dripping jeans, towels and sweatshirts in the garage hoping it was cold enough out there last week to keep them from mildewing too badly.  It was raining outside too or I would have put them out there!

A desperate call to my husband, saying how I had to leave the clothes out there, I had no time and we were going to be late to school, motivated him enough to start the research for some new ones.  We new this day was coming for a while now, but it is always so inconvenient when it does.

Some great neighbors helped us out and they have six in their family too, so they understand.

We ended up going with the Whirlpool Cabrio Platinum and we LOVE them!  So, even though it was inconvenient, expensive and made me lug wet laundry across the street in the rain for a couple of days, it is a huge help now.  My laundry time is cut in half because the washer is so large and we have to run it much less.  The running cost is less, it is much quieter and looks so much better too which is the cherry on top. 

Though a washer and dryer are insignificant when compared to life it does remind me that more times than not, before you get to the hills there are usually some valleys. 

yay!

This is ONE load I am getting ready to fold.  Notice who is taking advantage of warm laundry!

The Winter That Wasn't

This was indeed my strangest winter of weather yet.  I grew up in Michigan where snow was anticipated, expected, enjoyed and loathed.  They cushion the school years with snow days just because they know they will be used at some point.  Even down here in Indiana there has been some major snow falls and ice storms in my years. 

But, NEVER have I had a day like this in FEBRUARY!  The girls outside for a picnic, no coats, in nearly 70 degree weather!  I won’t lie.  It is nice, but also a bit disconcerting to think about the why.  But, heck, let’s put that on the back burner for a few minutes and suck up that Vitamin D and “fresher” air. 

While our boots, having only worn them once this season, sit lonely and neglected in the garage eagerly waiting for even a mention of a flurry, we rush past them and grab the bikes and scooters for another day of sunshine and mild temperatures. 

Now that I have said this I anticipate huge snow falls for the month of March, and maybe even April.  I was not the initiating jinx however.  My daughter’s school sent home her snow pants the other day and after washing them the agitator caused a friction burn and a resulting hole.  So… she is out snow pants now.  THAT is the real jinx!

I Missed My Guy

I know it is 2012 now and women are independent and all, but when my guy left me for three days I MISSED him. 

Recently my husband went away with our church for a men’s retreat.  It was an amazing opportunity and I was so excited for him, but there was no contact during this retreat.  Now, you have to understand, we have been together since April of 1997 and never had we gone three consecutive days without speaking to one another.  Even when I was on the other side of the world in Australia, I would call once a day.  So, this, I could tell, was going to be a challenge. 

Fun picture of us on our honeymoon

Thursday afternoon Skyla and I waved goodbye and I held her as she cried that daddy would be gone for so long.  I didn’t show her that I too shed a few tears.  I had to be strong and reassuring that all was going to be fun and exciting!

The days passed and we had so many things planned that they really did rush by.  The nights though were the hardest.  After the chaos of the day was settled, the kids were all asleep the darkness felt compressing.  I was glad I had Bella, our dog.  Having watched far too many scary movies as a child I was waiting for Krueger or Jason’s head to be staring at me through the bottom corner of any window.  Letting Bella out before bed was a challenge.  Who knew who was going to creep through that door when I had it open???   Shivers…

The first night was the hardest and they got a little easier as the weekend progressed.  But, I missed him.  I will admit it.  It wasn’t the day to day, the chores, the children, or all those extras.  It was just having him there that I missed.  He can make me laugh like no other and I missed that too.  I found myself making an elaborate Brian shaped pillow before I finally turned out the lights for the night.  That is, after I exhausted myself senseless.  Brian is always the one who says it is time for bed, so without that I was up at least until 1:30am every night.  I did get a lot of work done though! 

Sunday afternoon he came home and within an hour it was like he never left, except for the goofy perma-grin I had on my face.  I learned a lot about myself while he was gone.  The biggest lesson being that I am perfectly capable of doing everything on my own, but, well…  I just would never want to.   

RAK's by Monkeys

This past weekend my monkeys, I mean daughters, and I had an amazing experience!  It was one of my favorite days I have ever been with them because they were so proud of themselves and even more excited about making someone’s day a bit brighter. 

We were invited by a friend of ours to join her, and a few other moms, at our local mall and perform RAK’s (Random Acts of Kindness) with a small group she put together called “Kids in Action” to promote kids doing service. 

There was a list of ideas to buy from and we chose to purchase flowers and lottery tickets.  I talked with the girls a lot about this and what we were doing and why.  Before we left that morning I had the girls go up and get money out of their piggy banks so that they understood and were a whole part of this experience.  They were happy to do so and when we stopped at Meijer to buy our things they showed off their bills at checkout.  All except Lana, that is, who somehow lost hers throughout the store.  She was sad, but I explained that she was doing an RAK because someone would find it and their day would be brightened.  She was happy with that and the crisis was averted. Whew!

Off to the mall we go and meet with everyone else.  There were small tags placed on each item with a small quote on it about giving and sharing in happiness.  It was adorable.

First we handed out flowers and it was so fun to see these woman’s faces when they were given a flower by these little girls.  They really lit up and were so thankful.  My favorite was a group of elderly people that were sharing some food together and they were just laughing and talking and so excited about these four little “beauties” handing out smiles.  I was so allured by the whole thing and talking that I forgot to take a picture!  I have a good mental one though.

After the flowers were gone we began to work on our large stack of lottery tickets.  We went in and out of all the nooks and crannies of the mall to pass them out.  Some people at kiosks, some shoppers and some store workers were given things.  Some of their store choices surprised me.  It wasn’t the flashy stores, but the more monotone stores for the older.  Maybe they were less stimulating/less scary to approach.  Build-a-Bear was the best though because all four of my girls have special things they sleep with that they all built from this store when they were each nine months old.  Why nine months?  I don’t know.  It is when we happened to stop by there for our first child and the age stuck as a right of passage for Build-a-Bear I guess.  But, Skyla said “They have given so much to us, we should give back to them”.  I agreed holding back a smile of “we did pay for those you know?”, but I didn’t say anything.  That woman behind the counter was great and so happy and exuberant about her lottery ticket. 

Our last mission was a bag of quarters.  We found a great candy and toy corral by one of the entrances and we taped quarters to the outside of whatever ones the girls wanted and left some extra quarters on top of the machines.  You would think my girls were getting all the goodies themselves with how excited they were to tape quarters on there.

It was truly a great time. 

An observation…

The older generation was MUCH more receptive than the younger generation.  The younger generation didn’t know how to accept something and was so skeptical.  It was almost hard for them to say “Thank You”.  They really had to push it out there sometimes.  I explained to the girls that even though their “thank you” wasn’t very genuine, I am sure we planted a seed of happiness in them for the day and for days to come.

A good lesson….

One mom Lana gave a lottery ticket to was there with her daughter (around age 4) and she asked was a lottery ticket was.  The mom was so touched that we were doing this and told her child that if they win any money off of the lottery card we gave them they would do something with the winnings to pay it forward.  My girls were there listening and we talked about it too.  It was nice for them to hear something like that from someone other than me.

An awww moment…

Skyla, my oldest, trying to decide who to give a flower to, was getting a little stressed.  I told her just to go up to anyone she wanted.  She turned to me and said “But, everyone deserves a smile mom”.  So true my little wise one, so true. 

At the end we all felt very blessed and the girls were asking if we could do this every week.  I told them we couldn’t afford every week, but we can definitely come out as a family and do it again sometime.  It happened to be free pretzel day at Auntie Anne’s and so we stood in line and grabbed four large pretzels as big as my girl’s heads. We sat and ate them and talked about our day with a kind woman eating her lunch there by the fountain.

As we left the mall, the girls were exhausted in body, but exhilarated in spirit.   Good times, Good times…

Consolidating Closets

I am always looking for ways to easy my jobs around the house.  I have enough to do and cleaning needs to be as easy as possible.  On the weeks where I “deep clean” my daughter’ rooms and I take everything up off the floor and vacuum it was taking forever!  Also, when my girls get up in the mornings and after nap, they are to clean their rooms and this could prove to be not only time consuming, but fit inducing as well sometimes. 

So, I did just what I said I do and I consolidated the chaos of toys and cleaning.  I found these great big tubs at Target for $6, (regular price!) that are very durable and have nice heavy handles the girls can hold on to and drag around.  The bottom is very slippery and moves around well even when it is heavy.  This is their chaos spot for their rooms.  Toys travel up and down the stairs all the time in my house and now they have a good home in either place. 

You can see in two of the rooms we keep the books in the closet as well.  This is because we found it was a great place that actually had room for it and the girls love to go in there, make little forts, crack the door open for light and look at books.  Fun. 

This has made clean up a breeze and I no longer have to pick up lots of things when I vacuum because, now, almost everything on their floor is non move-able (beds, dressers etc.). 

I realize that not everyone has the closets like these, but even if you keep this out on the floor, it is a great chaos bin for their room.  It doesn’t have to be pretty, just in there!

A Hard Hit

I was just sitting down to write an organization piece and start another piece I have planned and hadn’t gotten to this week, but I couldn’t.  This blog is about life, the chaos that comes with it and how we deal with it and move on from it. 

I, myself, have been dealing with some chaos since last weekend and, without getting into too many details, I can tell you it turned my world upside down in many ways I didn’t expect.  There are times in your life when you might be surprised or even shocked by someone you know, but there are other times when shock isn’t nearly a strong enough word.  It seems like the solid earth is a bit less reliable than before.  It feels like all you think you knew to be truth was shaken and cracked.  Disappointment graduates to tragedy for a life that may never be the same. 

After the period of absorption and reminding yourself that this did in fact happen, you might ask yourself “what can I do?” 

Some would chose to do nothing and hope the situation works itself out.  But, I have been being taught more and more lately that “this too shall pass” is a falsity.  To some I suppose it is true, but only because of those that have a compulsion to get out there and do something and do not ignore it or succumb to the idleness born of fear of the “what if’s?”.  

You just have to ask yourself if you could move on without helping, fighting, standing up, confronting or whatever may need to be done in your situation.  If the answer is “yes” than the task isn’t for you, but if you find that you are stewing over things for days and not able to step away from it and live your own life than maybe you should step in.  Step in and do whatever you can. 

In this situation I did something until I could do no more.  I texted… texted more.  This person will not pick up phone calls and so I wrote a letter.  I talked many hours with my husband about it and I shared the story with my life group and there has been endless prayers said.  There is nothing else I can do here, but keep praying and being thankful that I listened and did what little I could.  Even though I love this person, I hate what they did and that is not a comfortable spot to be in.  Chaos is never comfortable. 

If you run across these areas of chaos in your life and find it overwhelming you, try to consolidate by taking action.  Whatever comes out of a place of love is never wrong.