Everything Needs a Little Love And Respect

Teaching kids about respect to property can be tricky sometimes.  We teach them about how not to hurt people and they can relate to that.  They understand that if they get hit, bit, kicked or pushed it doesn’t feel good and so they shouldn’t do that to others.  This knowledge doesn’t always stop these things of course, but they can relate and empathize with it. 

What about inanimate objects though.  “The couch doesn’t get hurt, so I can jump on it all I want”, “the walls are prettier with colors all over them”, “I am tired of this toy so over the second story balcony it goes because that might be more fun to watch”.  Your kids interact with more non-alive stuff everyday than they do living things.  The car doors swinging open hard enough to ding the other car in the garage or a strangers car in a parking lot or the drawing that a sibling is so proud of that is made into a “snowball” by another sibling moments later show a disconnect.  The kids are not trying to be bad they just don’t understand to respect things as they do people.

Respect of property here folks!  This is actually one of the five respects that are taught at my daughter’s school and I love that they stress these respects.  This respect is easy for a child to forget when they are not repeatedly reminded. 

Since children understand how things affect them, one of the tactics I use is to bring it back to them.  Make the connection for them. 

“Yes, that couch doesn’t feel pain, but you could get hurt easily doing that and if the couch breaks we have to get a new one.  Couches cost a lot of money and if we have to spend money on that then we can’t spend it on other things for this family that you enjoy or give as much in donations to other families.” 

The smaller things I just relate to someone, somewhere, put work and money into that and you are hurting that…hurting their creation. 

Art is beautiful, but the walls are not the place for it.  My husband and I were the unfortunate owners of a home that was rented to a family with children that had apparently never heard of this respect before.  They turned the home we built, brought our first child home to and kept in great condition to garbage.  It was a main dish of horrible with a great big side of disappointment in the situation and the couple as parents to their children.  There were more things broken than in tact anymore in the house.

(Our Family room bustling with energy before we went out for Skyla's first Halloween)

(The carpets that had stuff growing on it, the cords hanging out and the dented, nicked and colored walls.  Every wall of the house was colored)

(Our beautiful nursery that Brian and I hand painted months before our little girl would be born)

(The animals were all colored on and scratched out.  The kids were there while I was painstakingly trying to scrub walls and things while they were being evicted.  The 9 year old girl asked me why we were cleaning and when I told her it was because she wrote and colored on all the walls, she replied with "So?".  I had to use restraint.  She really was oblivious though and this was after the mom told me, when they rented, that they had 3 very respectful children that respected their own, and others, property very much.  Ummmm...  yeah.

I see it a lot when I am out too because the parents have given up, or just say “no” instead of talking with their children and telling them why.  I understand we can’t always take the time immediately, but at some point you can.  You can explain why they should respect property as well as people because when you come down to it respecting property is respecting people. 

The One Day Wonder

The weather in Central Indiana has been anything but predictable this winter.  Within a day there are swings of 35 plus degrees.  I can’t keep up, so when we saw the opportunity to head out and get a snowman built we took it.  It wasn’t bone chilling cold and there was still actual white stuff on the ground to play in. 

Daddy and the girls were busy making the largest snowman bottom ever!  When it came time for the second ball he asked me to help him lift and that thing wasn’t budging.  I am sure we looked like a cast of clowns out there falling all over the place and laughing so hard we could hardly keep building.

His official name was “Snowy Frosty Harden” to accommodate everyone’s wants. 

But wait!  We can’t be done yet!  No way, Brian has to add a little something more to this colossal snowman.  What snowman is complete without his snowdog of course!  That man is always surprising me.

Here boy!  Time for a walk.

Happy 50!!!!!!!

Why am I smiling??? Why 50????  Because I have hit my 50 blog posts mark and I feel like celebrating!  I started this entire endeavor on August 10^th of last year and in 169 days I have been able to write and share my stories, my thoughts and my ideas 50 times!  This has been, and is, a great opportunity for me in many ways and I really enjoy it.

Thank you all SO much for reading!!  Your inspiring comments on line, on facebook and to me personally have truly fueled my fire for many, many more blog posts to come.  My goal, as always, is to help and share positivity with the world as best I can and this is one of my platforms to do that.  None of us have everything figured out, but maybe collectively we can all get through parenting, marriages, friendships, faith and life by giving and accepting those morsels of goodness that fall in our path.

Thank you again and cheers to the next 50 and beyond!

"It Is What I Do"

I have to write today about my husband.  He is an awesome husband, but that is not what today is about.  Today is about him being a great daddy to my four favorite little girls.

He didn’t know when we first started tying to have children all those years ago that he would one day be the lone male in a house with 5 women, big and small, and 3 female pets to boot.  He didn’t know that tiara’s, hair barrettes and magic wands would be the ideal attire to any family dinner.  He didn’t understand the drama, screaming and emotions that can surface with a crowd of so many women all wanting the same yellow sparkly dress at the very same moment.  He didn’t understand how long it takes to blow dry four little heads with lots of hair and he didn’t understand how gentle he would have to become when holding the tender hearts of so many little women.

But, he also didn’t realize how his heart would melt when his own little girl looked up at him with an adoring smile.  He didn’t know that being the “daddy monster” and wrestling four little girls would be an entire day’s calorie burn.  The laughing alone takes care of one meal.  He didn’t understand that little arms wrapped around his neck and slobbery kisses on his cheeks after an exhausting and frustrating day would melt the world away. 

He would do, and does, anything for his girls.  This past weekend my daughter had a school carnival and the three oldest each cashed in their piles of tokens for solar powered head bobbing dolls (because Great Grandma has a flower on her window sill that they all love).  After having to exchange one right away because it had broken I knew these wouldn’t last long.  Sure enough, before we could even get home, my oldest opened hers in the car before I was even able to get the “don’t open anything in here so we don’t loose pieces” warning out there.  We had the shell, but not the working parts anymore.  I later found them crunched between the seat and the side of the van.  To me it was a lost cause, to my husband, her daddy, it was a challenge.  It was a challenge he would spend precious time on after a long and exhausting day of events at nearly 10pm. 

Still dressed in his most festive shirt he could muster for the carnival, since he was working the “Bozo Buckets”, he goes out in the freezing garage and finds the tools.  I was finishing up things around the house and getting the day put away when I come to the kitchen and find him with a heated soldering iron working on this toy worth pennies.  I asked him what he was doing and he just said “It is what I do!”

It is what he does.  Though, admittedly, not very convenient at times for myself, I understand why he does it and that his girls will always have a daddy that helps them fix things and make them all better again whether it be a toy, a car, or a broken heart.

He didn’t know it all those years ago, but he would one day be the best man that these five women could ask for.

Sometimes Fun Fails

The girls were SO excited at the chance to all have a sleepover one night together.  It has not been done before with all four because little Miss Journey can be an instigator in so many ways.  But, we were willing to give it another try.

 

All nestled in my twin girls bedroom (because it is the only one big enough to house all the little monkeys and not have them tripping on each other) the kisses and hugs began.  Journey crawled in with Trinity and Skyla with Lana.  We were ready to go.  With a hesitant “goodnight!” we turned off the light and shut the door. 

Brian and I made it to the foot of the stairs before the door opened, but this time it was only a bathroom break for someone.  The giggles were continuous with one starting as another had to take a breath.  It was precious, truly. 

The moments of giggles and novelty wore off after about ten minutes when they realized they were actually tired after a busy day and a late bedtime.  All, except for Journey that is.  The complaints started rolling in that she wouldn’t be quiet and she wouldn’t stay in bed.  What started with such fun and smiles was now tears and frustration.  After a warning we were forced to take a VERY sad Journey back to her own room.  She was upset, but also very tired.  Some mommy and daddy singing, cuddles and blankie did the job and the house was quiet within minutes.  In the middle of the night Skyla meandered back to her own room as well.  So, by morning all were in their own beds again.  It was a great ten minutes or so though!!! Does any of this stop them for asking for another sleepover nearly every night since?  NO, of course not!!

Oh, what on earth will I do with these girls?  Just love them I guess.  It is the best thing and the only thing I can do for them I say as I shake my head back and forth with a smile from ear to ear. 

Wiiiii !!!!!

We have been really trying to clean up the playroom, get homework done and eat dinner before 6:30 at night lately so we can share in some family fun time before bed.  Go Fish is a clear winner because you get to mess the pile in the middle up and who doesn’t like to be a little crazy making a card mess? Pretty, Pretty Princess has gone surprisingly well although we do have some not so happy “un-princesses” at the end.  They weep and cry out that they will NEVER be the princess!  It is all very dramatic as you might imagine four little girls playing a princess game might be.  War didn’t seem to go over very well, but UNO was a lot of fun. 

One night we broke out the Wii and started bowling.  We told them they needed to practice because Grandpa Gene likes to bowl and they can play with him some time.  That seemed to get their little arms swinging.  It was fun to watch them cheer and lean one way and then another to guide the ball down the isle.  Some balls took minutes to get down the isle, but would result in a strike and many cheers.  Sometimes they were gutter balls and that is the way the cookie crumbles girls.  You need to win and lose in this life.  They both teach us great things.  It is so much fun to play with them and just have that time at the end of the busy day.  Good memories…good times!!!

Manners Mania

(In part of my Responsibility Series I will be touching on a few important things I have come across in my limited, but tightly compacted, mommy life)

            Why do manners have to be so difficult to teach children, (and adults for that matter)?  I have gone through the ebb and flow of manners with my children and I know everyone else out there goes through the same.  When they are young we impress the “please” and “thank you” in them until every action seems to incorporate one of those phrases.  Sometimes they even get strung together in the same breath with a “thank please you” sound rambling from their lips.  But, they get it…they understand that when given something you should say “thank you” and when you want something you should say the magic “p” word.  My two year old has the best manners of all my kids right now! 

            As they get bigger, though, the frequency of these words dwindles a bit.  I am not saying my kids never say them, but it certainly isn’t every time.  So, now is when you have to start teaching them why we say our “please” and “thank you”.  They are not just words, they are terms of respect and gratitude.  When someone goes out of their way to help you with something, give you something or do something for, you say “thank you”.  When you are asking a person to do any of those things you say “please”.  It really is that simple.  They should realize too, at any age, that “please” is not a guarantee of services rendered. 

            My four year old twins especially have become so grabby lately.  If they want something they just go up and take it, harshly even sometimes, from a sister’s hand.   I have started a “no hands, only words” rule when I see this.  The taker needs to calm down, put their hands behind their back and only use their words to get the point across of what they want.  This can be frustrating for them and I see their little hands doing everything they can to stay back there, but more times than not they get what they want in the end because they used their words, stayed calm and used their “please” and “thank you”. 

            All of our little men and women that we snuggle with on the couches and read bedtime stories to need our help everyday in teaching them how to use manners.  “Manners” is really just an umbrella term for being a kind and respectful person, which in turn makes the respecter the respected.  (FYI, I had no idea “respecter” was a real word until moments ago!).  Don’t we want that for our kids?  It is exhausting, often unrelenting and time consuming.  But, when you are standing in the kitchen and you hear little voices from the next room over say:

“May I have that dolly with the pink hair please?”

“Sure!  Here you go.”

“Thank you”

“Your welcome”

Then the play is continued without a missed breath, like nothing out of the ordinary just took place.  Then you know you are doing something right.  You are on the right path and so are they.  It might erupt into another battle in seconds, but there was that moment that you can hold onto and stick in the back pocket of your mind.  

            This world could use a whole lot more manners and a lot less taking without asking.  Hang in there everyone, we can do this!

Snapshots

“What are those little people going to do to me next?  I have already been under a pile of 9 blankets and had my leg, ear and shoulder fixed with Elmo medical equipment.  I have been a pillow and a footrest and made to chase my tail a few times and play tugs with those who can’t even keep hold of my bone.  Come on!  I am the 80 year old lady here!  Can I have the rest of that peanut butter and jelly sandwich you just dropped and then go upstairs for my midmorning nap now?  Thanks.”   -Bella

The Responsible Me Series: Part One

Responsibility in the Home

This will be my first installment of a small series I will be doing on responsibility.  We have an obligation to our families to be responsible adults, but even more so, we have the responsibility to teach our children how to take ownership in situations and step forward when it is the right thing to do.  Remember, they are just tiny adults and they will be at our eye level sooner than we would all like.  I know everything gets blamed on parents, but I seriously see far too many adults out there without a shred of responsibility and I can’t help but wonder if it is because they were never taught.  Sometimes the parents didn’t have any sense of accountability either, or the parents did everything for these people and thus they never had to learn.  Some rebel from an overbearing parent and other, I suppose, just forget it along the way.

This first post today will be about what I try to do around the house to ensure my kids, at least, understand what responsibility is.  You know if you read this blog that I do not walk around with a ruler in hand and not let a thing out of place.  Things get wild and crazy around here daily, but I do like a straightened house at the end of the day.  I have many reasons for this.  One of which being that I need to know everything is put away so when I get a frantic summons of “Mommy!  I forgot my doll with brown hair and the rainbow dress and I neeeeeed it!” I might have a better idea where it is! 

One of the things we work on is the play room.  Every night the playroom is cleaned up and things put in their place.  Yes, every night.  The girls know this and have never enjoyed the task, but they understand it is part of the day.  Our playroom, too, is on the main floor just off the kitchen and toys inadvertently spill over into the attached living room.  I have never had one of those special hidden playrooms where a door can be closed or a basement where you don’t have to see it, so when there is a mess it is under our noses.  I try not to make it the signal for bedtime because that just drags their little feet slower.  Instead, we do it right after dinner and then do a family game or just play around in the family room on the floor for a little while.  They really look forward to that time together and so it can put a rush on cleaning up the 6 overturned toy bins.  We tell them throughout the day that whatever mess you make you will be cleaning up.  Of course they do not really connect that though until they look at this and are told to clean it up.

But, the toys are their job.  We do help after we are done with our responsibilities because that is what we tell them they should do.  If someone could use help and you have the time… help them. 

Their bedrooms are a similar story.  My twins, who share a room, create the aftermath of a category 5 hurricane in there.  We are talking about two imaginative 4 year old girls though.  But, before they come down in the morning they need to be dressed (their clothes are put out the night before), teeth brushed, hair done, bedroom cleaned and beds made.  Of course this is a process that takes a while and I build upon.  My six year old does great, the four year olds are pretty much there now and I do it with my two year old.  She can’t run off, she needs to help with all the books and toys she pulls out in the morning.  The twins just started making their beds in the last few months and I am so proud of them.  These are double beds with big, heavy quilts from grandma on them.  No, I don’t straighten them out because their work is exactly what it should be.  A bed made by a four year old.

The girls also helped a lot with gardening over the summer, they help get the table ready for dinner, share in the cooking and love to sort out “who’s is what” in the laundry pile and folding washcloths. 

We are always talking to the girls about how we all live in this house together and we all need to help out with the responsibilities.  My six year old gets it more and more with every page that we read from the Little House On The Prairie series.  She is amazed (because it IS amazing) how much responsibility they had at such young ages then.  I am, sure she is thinking, “If Laura Ingalls can get up at 5am in the dead of winter to go outside in the dark to do barn chores when she is seven years old I can certainly make my bed and put my laundry away!”

When we don’t teach our kids responsibility we are taking something away from their future adult selves.  Everything in life is a balance.  Be crazy and wild and fun, but own the mess and take care of it afterwards!

 _________________________________________________________________

*(Next time I will be talking about social responsibilities with ourselves and our children)

Snapshots

Oh, my little mischief maker what are you up to now?  The puzzles are in pieces on the floor, every doll is in assorted strollers and carts in hidden corners, the stools are taken out and put in the exact locations to assure mommy and daddy to trip and fall, you can’t see the floor of the playroom anymore so you decide now another room must be tackled?

To my children who make my life exciting, terrifying and fun and every turn!

How Much Tech Time Is Too Much?

For Christmas this year the jolly old man in the red suite gave the three older girls Leapster Explorers.  He consulted and debated with us for a long time on this decision and in the end we landed here.  It is durable, can be made age specific, handy and did I mention durable?  It is a good step for our six year old in having a personal game system to be responsible for and something my four year old twins can use for a while.  My two year old can watch and learn from them and she gets more ipad time for herself as a result…which she LOVES probably more than she should.

Now that my twins can use the computer too they love to go on there and play starfall while their little sister looks on.  www.Starfall.com is an awesome website with a free portion and extra, at www.morestarfall.com, that is an annual fee of $35.  Well worth it if you ask me for what it teaches and the girls are very engaged in it while working on computer skills. 

My question is, that between the PC, the Explorers and the ipad how much is too much?  I have always had more of the “hands on” philosophy when it comes to learning and not the “glued to a screen” idea, but there is something to be said for what they can teach.  Their math, spelling, vocabulary, problem solving and hand eye coordination skills are really challenged and they all get so excited when they beat a level. 

I want to fill all their time with crafts, singing, dancing, writing, trips to amazing places and looking through books together.  But, our reality is much less fascinating and open to that sort of life.  With everything that we keep up with in our day to day we try and squish in as much of this time as possible, but it certainly isn’t every moment.  We decided that they are allowed about 15-20 minutes of “electronic time” a day.  They do have them in their rooms at naptime though which can lead to more playing time.  This is actually a great solution for my twins who share a room.  One is a good sleeper and the other could have abandoned naps years ago.

We have only been going at this a couple of weeks, but it seems to be working.  Everything is always a work in progress and this is no exception.  But, they love their time with their toys and it cracks me up, and amazes me, to see them so in tune to these devises in their little hands. 

The salt of life is diversity, learning from all different aspects and means and so I guess this is just one more of those ways.  I know electronics can be a slippery slope, but we have no intention, or financial backing, of letting our children become room bound, screen loving, hermits.  A healthy respect for all modes of learning is (hopefully) taught and appreciated around here.   Wish me luck!

Snapshots To Remember

I have mentioned before that in the midst of crazy I try and take mental snapshots of things so I can always remember certain moments.  If I am lucky I get some of those with the actual camera as well.

We have all been there…  in the midst of crazy land when all things seem uprooted and disorganized enough to look, or feel, like a party of angry giants just trampled through.  But, somehow, in those moments you catch something out of the corner of your eye, or even in the ones surrounding you that you are furious with, that brings you back.  You might even have to hide a smirk as to not let the enemy know you might be breaking down the walls!  Or maybe you are just going about in your day to day routine and notice something that you know you want to remember.  An adorable conversation between sisters worth perserving, someone trying something new for the first time or something that you see that you just have no words.

That is what was happening here.  A simple painting project turn disaster, but what do I see when I am cleaning up random pools of purple-yellow-blackish paint?  My youngest, covered in paint, eating an Oreo to boot.  Seriously?  That’s my girl!

Tis’ life!  The endless series of ups and downs, curves and loops, right side up and inside out messes.  It is a ride.  Just love those you are on the ride with and never let go.

I hope I can share more of these “snapshot” moments with you as time goes on.   

A Look Back at Christmas 2011

This years holiday season was a confetti party of emotions, hectic schedules, driving, more driving, parties, gifts and craziness.  When I look back it really is a blur, but there were some great times that stood out. 

Our first celebration incorporated six cousins, between the ages of six and two, all playing and smiling at my sister in laws house.  Between the awesome drawing wall, sweets pouring from the edges of the kitchen, gifts, grandparents and finding hidden food scattered about the playroom there was never a dull moment.  Though I can’t help but wonder what this table will look like ten years from now, I think it is just perfect to see them all together at this moment. Goofy smiles, rambunctious attitudes and silly laughs all around.

The girls are sitting in front of the tree in the spot I have sat for so many years of my own life.  We traveled up to Michigan to celebrate Christmas with my parents and extended family.  It was a whirlwind trip, but great to see the family.  The girls opened and played with their gifts all day.

Journey had fun being Rapunzel with the new wig.

Grandma was getting a full beauty treatment and doctor visit all in one that day!

One of the days that really stuck out to me was when we played outside.  It was a beautiful winter day and not too cold.  We walked around the block, played on the swing set and just got out some of that energy that had festered for a while.  We all know festered energy turns into “what trouble can I get into” energy… so it is good to get it out. 

It was so fun to play with them and watch them.  I really try to take mental pictures of these moments to keep with me.

Christmas Eve service was amazing!  Breathtaking really.  The singing, the people, the togetherness, the snow in the auditorium, Silent Night being sung while the entire church body joined hands and my own little girls were there to take part in it.  We were in the third balcony up and to look down at this sea of people hand in hand was beautiful.

Then it was dinner time at the Japanese restaurant where they cooked on our table and the girls loved it.  Home for cookies on Santa’s plate and some carrots for the reindeer of course! 

Then it was CHRISTMAS MORNING!!!  We managed to stay in bed until 7am, but the kiddos were not having it any later than that.  Stockings, Santa letters, gifts and playing while Christmas pancakes were being made.  Good times…

Time to drive again and it’s down to Bloomington this time.  I love this picture of my Lana Banana curled up on her Uncle Jim’s lap.  She stayed for a while and just rested with him. 

In the wake of all the festivities we also had some loses this year.  Just catching our breath from Brian’s grandfather passing in November we were hit with a loss of Skyla’s teacher’s son in mid December.  While we didn’t know him personally our hearts ached for Mrs. Sandy.  The school rallied behind her and offered her as much support as we could.  Then on Christmas morning I received a call from my mom saying that my grandmother had passed that morning.  Christmas morning was suddenly turned upside down.  I hadn’t seen my Grandmother in quite some time and she had spent her last nine years in a nursing home and mentally slipped away a long time ago.  But, when you expect something for so long you begin to not expect it anymore.   I know she is in a better place now and seeing all those that have gone before her.  She can be at rest now, but I have many great memories to hold on to.

Christmas 2011 is all wrapped up and packed in the memory boxes now and we can look forward to the year ahead and all the amazing opportunities that lie before us.  I hope your holiday was remarkable and brimming with holiday magic.