(In part of my Responsibility Series I will be touching on a few important things I have come across in my limited, but tightly compacted, mommy life)
Why do manners have to be so difficult to teach children, (and adults for that matter)? I have gone through the ebb and flow of manners with my children and I know everyone else out there goes through the same. When they are young we impress the “please” and “thank you” in them until every action seems to incorporate one of those phrases. Sometimes they even get strung together in the same breath with a “thank please you” sound rambling from their lips. But, they get it…they understand that when given something you should say “thank you” and when you want something you should say the magic “p” word. My two year old has the best manners of all my kids right now!
As they get bigger, though, the frequency of these words dwindles a bit. I am not saying my kids never say them, but it certainly isn’t every time. So, now is when you have to start teaching them why we say our “please” and “thank you”. They are not just words, they are terms of respect and gratitude. When someone goes out of their way to help you with something, give you something or do something for, you say “thank you”. When you are asking a person to do any of those things you say “please”. It really is that simple. They should realize too, at any age, that “please” is not a guarantee of services rendered.
My four year old twins especially have become so grabby lately. If they want something they just go up and take it, harshly even sometimes, from a sister’s hand. I have started a “no hands, only words” rule when I see this. The taker needs to calm down, put their hands behind their back and only use their words to get the point across of what they want. This can be frustrating for them and I see their little hands doing everything they can to stay back there, but more times than not they get what they want in the end because they used their words, stayed calm and used their “please” and “thank you”.
All of our little men and women that we snuggle with on the couches and read bedtime stories to need our help everyday in teaching them how to use manners. “Manners” is really just an umbrella term for being a kind and respectful person, which in turn makes the respecter the respected. (FYI, I had no idea “respecter” was a real word until moments ago!). Don’t we want that for our kids? It is exhausting, often unrelenting and time consuming. But, when you are standing in the kitchen and you hear little voices from the next room over say:
“May I have that dolly with the pink hair please?”
“Sure! Here you go.”
“Thank you”
“Your welcome”
Then the play is continued without a missed breath, like nothing out of the ordinary just took place. Then you know you are doing something right. You are on the right path and so are they. It might erupt into another battle in seconds, but there was that moment that you can hold onto and stick in the back pocket of your mind.
This world could use a whole lot more manners and a lot less taking without asking. Hang in there everyone, we can do this!
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